Seperation Anxiety

Seperation Anxiety is a bitch, it sounds terrible, there's nothing fun about that term . . except for the video game that came out bout 12 years ago (spidey and venom kicking ass in co -op, what?! what's not to love bout that?). Well, yours truly, is going through it now. Slowly eating away my soul, however i'm bouncing back as I type this out.

It started December 26th when my friends, my girl, and I went away for a Christmas weekend. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if drama went on, but nothing to that extent happened at all. Personally, I'm not good with being around the same faces all the time, so I thought one day I would go off on my own to be alone. I usually tend to do that whenever I go on a trip, with anyone . . fam is included. I'll leave their asses at the drop at a dime and it's not with malice at all, I tend to be a loner and sometimes I need to feed the loner side of my personality. Before I get too off track, the trip was awesome. Everyone had fun together, all laughs no frowns at all.

Also on this cool ass weekend, I spent mad time with my girl . . and realized she's the shit. We played plenty drinking games together (came out the victor all times), bust her ass in ps3, she came through in the clutch when I was stuck in games and gave me working advice to get to the next level. It wasn't like a romantic thing all the time, which is something I definetly need in a relationship. So the time I spent with her was great, best part of the weekend, hands down.

I did manage to sneak away sometimes. I was the first to wake up on most of the days so I chilled outside, walked the lake and thought up some new ideas for my personality and future. The past year was a hell of a year, I remember talking with my brother about how 2008 was my year. It started out that way, I was in line to get a crucial promotion, new whip, made ridiculous money bartending at Bennigans on the weekends, 08 was the shit. Well disaster struck, whatever could go wrong, went wrong. The struggle was ridiculous for the greater half of the year, I look back on it now and it still was my year. I came up with this idea . . . God put me through those struggles to see if I was really ready to handle being a grown up . . something I've always wanted to be as a child. I can say now, I'm happy for once. I got the best girl i've yet to have, nice whip, and my promotion which gives me a MEAN ass check every two weeks. If I didn't have such a disastrous later half of 08, I probably would've been reckless with the new money to fall in my lap.

The anxiety sets in around now . . she's gone back to school and I had a birthday which makes me now a whopping 23. Was never really the type to feel anything when my friends went back to school. Shit, I can talk to them on the phone, facebook, IM etc. This time around . . . it's different. Like I feel apart of me is missing, due to me being a Capricorn, we have a TERRIBLE time expressing emotion to our significant other. Fortunatlely for me, she know how I feel about her without me wooing her with sweet nothings all the time. I honestly can't explain it. It feels like a part of me is gone or missing, like I don't feel whole.

The seperation hits me personally, because there were rare times i'd do real reckless shit and blame it on me being young. Young people do reckless shit, duh! Usually I'd get a pass, because regardless of what age I was, I was very mature for that age. I was 9 and acted as if I was 12, 15 i acted 18, 18 I was 21, 22 I felt 26 . . that was due to the stress of dealing with a recession and not getting the promotion i was promised, a new 2006 charger and my weekend job getting shut down. I was still doing the damn thing tho, bills still got paid. I'm 23 now and I feel that . . . 23. No more reckless shit for you, dude. I'm kinda afraid, because if by mistake some shit goes down or i'm feeling reckless . . no pass this time. Ima be told, "you need to grow the hell up." I'm not too afraid though, ha . . i've had plenty of practice right? Stay tuned, watch me work yall!

Just Let Me Be,
Frank