Eyes Wide Open, Walking Into A Losing Battle

There's some days I wake up fine and some days I wake up with an agenda. To murder her feelings like she murdered mine. It's crazy, why would I feel that way? I mean, I understand WHY I would want to hurt someone who hurt me, but why do it if there's no W at all. It feels the only W I would gain would be in the battle. Like the battle would be the win, but in the end I'd lose so much more. So why go into it? There's some days I can wake up, pray, stretch, say what up to the elephant, brush my teeth, get ready for work. Other days I wake up and the fucking elephant is on my back.

It's an epic battle of my soul vs. my mind. My soul wants revenge for the piercing it received but my mind understands why it was pierced. Which gets my mind working wondering if my soul is evil originally or if this "light soul" I have is a front. Am I a good person or is it just a front? Am I really a bad person with a good person face? Wouldn't that make me worse? Or does that make me smart because I know how people can be? Questions are rushing through my head now that I have no answer to.


I want to get over this already . . I haven't been dwelling on this situation, but maybe that's my problem. Maybe I should take a day to myself and think this situation out. But what's there to think out? I tell myself to take each day one at a time. But what am I taking one day at a time towards? Is it getting over her? Is it getting over this situation? I fear that it's gonna be 365 days from now and I'm still writing about this same situation. That would mean I never got over her and I've been lying to myself all along right? I mean . . I think I'm over her, or is it I'm trying to get over this situation? Do I want to get over this situation? Sometimes I think, thinking of this situation keeps me close to her. But do I want to be close to her? Like even in the future, would I want to be with someone who blindsided the fuck out of me? I dunno what hurt more the blindside hit, the impact, or the healing process.


Do other ladies have a chance or will I compare them to her? Does that mean I'm not ready to date yet? I was never pressed to date or shit like that. My homegirl Alissa put some shit on twitter that spoke to me, "Being single only sucks when you need emotional support." I'm not really in need of emotional support, but I got to get something to shake this feeling off.


Like this morning, my soul was hungry for revenge . . starving for it . . but why? She and I are cool now, there's no beef . . so why ruin that and possibly ruin a reunion . . . but do I want a reunion? LOL, see the fights I deal with? "Commit suicide trying to read my mind." - Kid Cudi.
There's absolutely NOTHING to gain from hurting her, but why does my soul yearn for that feeling? How long can I keep my soul in check? That's what I'm really afraid of, when will my Hollow finally break through the surface and act recklessly. I'm a Capricorn and we live our lives by self discipline, so one can imagine the damage that will do if my hollowed soul came unrestrained.


It's in God's hands now but it feels like he/she's putting it on me. God's telling me to take it one day at a time but what I do with my passing days relies on my actions. On a positive note, I'm writing this which suppresses my Hollow. Listening to Donny Hathaway's, Someday We'll All Be Free, his spirit spoke to me.

Hang onto the world as it spins, around.
Just don't let the spin get you down.
Things are moving fast.
Hold on tight and you will last.
Keep your self-respect your manly pride.
Get yourself in gear,
Keep your stride.
Never mind your fears.
Brighter days will soon be here.
Take it from me someday we'll all be free
Keep on walking tall, hold you head up high.
Lay your dreams right up to the sky.
Sing your greatest song.
And you'll keep, going, going on.
Just wait and see someday we'll all be free.
Take it from me, someday we'll all be free.
Take it from me someday we'll all be free.
Take it from me, take it from me, take it from me.


Aight Donny . . I'll take it your word and listen to mine. You'll get it once you don't sweat it.

Thanks for reading,
Frank

Why You Mad Though?

Oooooooh, you mad huh? - Saaphyri Windsor

Probably the best quote from a reality show that actually stuck with me and meant something. I'm a solid person, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc. I walk the middle path, but I'm stationary on certain issues. On those issues I will not budge because it's my beliefs and/or I just don't want to do what someone is coaxing me to do. We all have people in our lives who try to get us to do something with them for their own hidden agenda. Don't get me wrong, there are people who really are being kind hearted and attempting to get you to join them on their agenda. The latter, unfortunately are a select few.

As a person, one must realize they cannot please everyone. It's impossible, we're all different and have different agendas. If one tries to please all these different agendas they'll eventually forget who that person is. Someone with no realization who they are as an individual is a truly sad person. If you have no idea who you are because you're trying to please everyone you'd rathers well put a leash on and take turns being every one's pet.

Learn to be a shepherd and not a sheep. Lead the pack and don't follow the shepherd leading you to do shit you don't want to do. If you do choose to follow a Shepard, make sure it's a real shepherd and not a wolf in shepherd's clothing. As time goes on, the wolves went from mimicking sheep's clothing to shepherd's clothing.

Someone is reading this and think it's impossible to say no to people, trust . . it's a lot easier than you think. "You wanna go here w/ me?" "No." "Why not?" You are allowed to ignore that person. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ASKS YOU A QUESTION, DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IT. You got to have firm ground somewhere, because if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for every guilt trip a wolf will lay on you. It's best to learn how to say no now before you're put in a situation where you get in trouble for guilt by association. People are gonna get mad when you disagree with them, as long as it took them to get mad, they'll get over it. If they want to stay mad, that's not your problem, let them stay mad.

Can't please em all,
Frank

You're Your Worst Critic

So . . . *scratches head nervously while looking down* it's really hard for me to do this . . . but lately I've realized I'm on my way to being the shit. Lol, sorry if that was too brash but truth hurts.

It took me fifteen minutes to write those two sentences, lol. It's real hard for me to speak on how well off I am. It shouldn't, but it is. I see things in a wider perspective than the average eye. Yeah, I'm doing well for myself, but I don't like speaking on it because I know there's another level I want to reach and I feel I ain't shit til I'm there. I don't want to be humbled by anyone but myself, because it's true what they say, "you're your worst critic." I also don't want to be one of these clowns out here talking about what they gonna do or where they gonna be. Fuck that, actions speak for themselves. If you see me doing well, I don't need to speak on it because my aura will speak for me. Some people can't see it, but that means their vision's not on my level yet. I say yet, because people mature, some not as quick as others, but they mature eventually. There's a "Book of Franklin" that I follow and one of the commandments is, "Don't talk about what you doing, let what you doing talk for you." I will NOT be one of those characters running off at the mouth. I've seen plenty people come and go talking and produce no results. I cannot be in that same group.


I still have a long road to travel, I'm not feeling myself at all. I'm just at a point in my journey when I looked back and realized, "Damn, I walked that far?" o_O. I'm still walking forward though, had plenty of "weather" that should have hindered my trip, but that resistance only made my stride stronger and faster. I've realized I'm content with being independent. That doesn't mean I hate people, that means I like people, I don't necessarily NEED them to complete my world. With that said, if I feel I can't accomplish a task on my own, I'll ask for help in a heartbeat. I also need to learn to stay out of people's business. It's easy but it gets more difficult when people are close to you. Me being independent, I don't really worry about their situations or concern myself with it, the difficulty sets in when they come to me asking, "Well, why didn't you say anything?" Sometimes, it's not my place to say anything, unless lives are in danger, but sometimes it's better to let things work themselves out. You learn more about yourself and life situations when you go through things alone. You appreciate yourself more once your situation is over with also. Also, others usually don't have "your" best interest at times. I've had people tell me to jump into another females bones to get over an ex. I didn't need to hear that at the time, I needed to find myself and see what was best for me.


So where'd all this come from? Again, I took a break from my conquest and turned around to look at the road traveled. My boy Zaire put me on to his quote and it'll lie in The Book of Franklin, "I'm Evolving .. I don't Know this Person that I am Becoming.. But I Like Him Better." - @DJZeeti (Follow him!) I'm beginning to appreciate my value more than put me down for not being where I want to be. It's not in God's story for me to be there yet, I gotta walk this path and learn some life experiences to get to where I want to be. It's time for me to get off this rock and put this blog down for now. Looking at the road I traveled, I got to smile and pat myself on the back . . the only pat on the back I'll ever need. Appreciate this blog, because it's rare you'll catch me smelling myself. :)

Thanks For Your Time,
Frank

Dropping Jewels: The Inspiration

Hello all, I find myself always going to read my good friend Donald's posts. We kinda fit the same mold and I can respect anyone who can see reality the same way I see it while also having their own opinion. This particular post always hypes me up when I'm feeling I can't reach a certain goal. I ask everyone to read this blog as if it were mine but give credit to where it's due. Follow him on twitter at @dmvDon and he's on here as The Pen is the Weapon, The Sword is for Show. With that I give you, Dropping Jewels: The Inspiration . . .



Everybody has dreams. Everybody doesn't have aspirations. There is a difference. If you're unhappy with your situation then it is only natural for you to envision yourself somewhere better, its sort of a built in coping mechanism. Actually doing something to bring those visions to fruition is what transforms dreams to aspirations.

When you decide that you are going to start doing something to better yourself and those around you thats where goals come in. Goals should be set so you know you're on the proper path to achieving your aspirations.

Here's where most peoples problem take over. Getting the inspiration to do something is never the problem but igniting and sustaining that inspiration is. Think about how many times you have started something only to stop it a few hours, days, weeks, months later with unsatisfied results. A classic example is the whole New Year's resolution joke. Honestly how many of you are/have stuck to you New Year's resolutions? Not very many. Inspiration is no different than any hot news topic, fashion trend, or pop song. People become prisoners of the moment when inspiration hits. They do and say the right thing but once the moment is over the momentum stops and the dream fades.

Here's my solution...

first and foremost...FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE! Friends included. What you want out of your life is yours and yours alone. And while you should listen to the advice of those you trust never let someone tell you your aspirations are unattainable. Nobody is going to believe in you like you so why look to others for justification.

second. Be absolutely, 100 percent sure that what you desire is attainable. The way you do that is by being real with yourself. Do an honest evaluation of who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, how hard you are willing to work. These are things that nobody else can gauge (this is why I say fuck everybody else). But you have to be in a homeostatic mindstate. You can't be too high or low on yourself OR you cant be too high or drunk lol. Just take a weekend to yourself and really think about if what you want is really in your grasp.

third. Seek help. Take advice from wise people you trust. I have three suggestions.

1. Your REAL friends. The people you will keep it 100 with you regardless of the situation.
2. Someone you feel is more intelligent than you. Not smarter more intelligent.
3. Someone with experience in where you're trying to go. Self explanatory.

Listen to what they say and don't get offended if they don't agree with certain ways you're doing what you're trying to do. Simply because they are looking form the outside in and you're vision of you is quite biased. Remember this though...real friends try and help you get to where you want to go, bamma niggas try to hold you back.

fourth. Make a plan and stick to it. It the simplest part but the most difficult to adhere to. Make someway that you can remind yourself when you're beginning to deviate from the plan so you're consciously messing up and not subconsciously letting it slip away. You might have to modify your plan a little bit along the way but just make sure you ride that thang til the wheels fall off.

last but certainly not least. Put your faith in God and don't be afraid to fail. You can only fail by the standards of men, yourself included. When your faith is in God failure is inconceivable. You might not end up where you wanted to be but you definitely be where he needs you to be...real talk.

I hope these words reach you or a friend that might need them. Hopefully they can help you on the right path or off the wrong one. Mace Windu has spoken...the jewel has been dropped.

The Tunnel Vision To Success (props to @JonRaff)

Hello all,

I was at the gym yesterday around 4:15 p.m. and if anyone knows my routine I usually go around 5:30 a.m. or after 9:00 p.m. I don't like going between 4-8 because it's too busy and I like to go there to not only exercise my body but my mind as well. A crazy epiphany came to me while I was on my machine. Life is a lot like the gym and Ima tell you how.

A lot of people don't like going to the gym, I usually hear the same excuse, "I don't want everyone staring at me." People stare at you all the time in public, so how is it any different in the gym? People are afraid someone is going to make fun of them while they're working out. People are going to make fun of everyone regardless of where it's at. Be at the club, Giant, the gas station . . so at least while you're in the gym you doing something beneficial. So it's kudos +1 to you for working out, if someone makes fun of you, fuck em.

Now to get to the main topic . . if you're really working out you aren't paying attention to anyone else in the gym. For example, I go to the gym, put on my iPod, put on my time limit and start running. I occasionally look around at the nice ladies or the average clown doing something stupid, but for 25 minutes out of 30, I'm concentrating on my workout. That's when it hit me . . this is how I should live my life. Concentrate on whatever I'm working on, pay little attention on distractions, because everyone deserves and needs a break from their task and it'll be complete. It may take awhile, but I said it before, I'd rather take my time to complete something with 100% effort than rush through it and complete it with 60% effort.

Problems arise when people think, "well what about what my friends/family think when I'm neglecting them?" That's up to you fam. Yours truly, prefers to keep his projects to himself and will speak to those when someone asks, "where you been Frank?" You can take that method or tell everyone you're trying to accomplish something. To each their own right?

This post would've been longer if I started writing it as soon as I thought about it, but it came to me while I was working out and then I had to go "entertain" someone after the gym. Haha, I'll let yall imaginations come to whatever conclusion you get from that.


Frank
@LemmeBeFrank

P.s. Follow @JonRaff . . I have spoken

Life Lessons . . Or Some Know Them As Mistakes

I love making mistakes. Shit happens right? Ironically, I used to hate mistakes and strived for perfection all the time. And I heard it all before, "no one's perfect." "Only God's perfect." All that went in one ear and out the other. I knew deep down inside it was true, but I wanted to prove it wrong.

I had this Biology teacher in high school who taught me the smartest people make the most mistakes. That blew my mind away. I thought that had to be bullshit, dumb muhfuckas make mistakes, but it's the complete opposite. You learn from your mistakes . . if you choose to. I take mistakes as life lessons. For example, if you make a mistake cooking something . . if you're smart and take it as a lesson, then the next time you cook you won't make the same mistake. It's not guaranteed your dish will come out outstanding, but it's one less mistake you'll make the next time you make the dish. People are in such a rush to do everything right the first time around. I dunno about yall, but I'd rather perfect my craft, or whatever I'm working on then getting it done quick. Rushing things can make things sloppy and you can't enjoy the progress you've/you're making on your project.

Everyone who reads this won't feel the same way, but I encourage you to give it a shot. Use the mistakes you make as life lessons or building blocks to what you are trying to accomplish. Especially if you're under 30, now is the time to make mistakes because the world is our oyster. We can still make improvements for once we're older so we aren't that 40 y/o person still making mistakes someone 20 would make. Don't rush life or projects, take things one at a time. I'd much rather give 100% on something over x amount of days, than rush through something and give a half assed effort. My best friend @Mr_JWag (shameless shoutout) said last night at the bar he would go back in time and change some things. I wouldn't, all the mistakes I made over time, made me into the person I am today. I dunno about yall, but I think i'm like able. The many mistakes I've made over the years has made me into the person writing these blogs and the character I am on twitter, lol.

If the game shakes me or breaks me, I hope it makes me, a better man . . .

Frank

P.s. new twitter name @LemmeBeFrank

Friends, How Many Of Us Have Them?

There's nooooooooo other word I hate hearing being thrown around, like "friend." Inject this fact in your bloodstream now, everybody you talk to, is NOT your friend. Your friends are people you can go to no matter what. Next time you say, "oh this my friend such and such . . " think to yourself, can I go to this person's house if I was bloody and running from someone? I know I got friends, cuz we held tight for 10 years plus now . . them niggas are my friends. I'm cool w/ some people I work with, but I'd never introduce them as my friend. It's always, "this my partna, so and so" People be so quick to call someone their friend then get their feelings hurt when their "friend" show their true colors. Unfortunately there are more shiesty people in this world than genuine. Feel someone out for a year and some change to see what they're about before you claim them as friends.


These been my friends since middle school/high school . . I can put this shit up and laugh like shit and know they laughing too.



LOL . . clown ass niggas.

*Deuces*
Frank

P.S. Since the pic's so large, please click to get the whole picture . . Sorry Neil :/